COUNTRIES that are currently quite good are to be made really bad.

A raft of new making-bad measures will be introduced by good countries expeditiously, as concern grows about the huge difference in quality between good and bad countries worldwide.

People from bad countries regularly risk their lives in order to flee to good countries, forcing people in good countries to feel bad for them.

Good countries now fear that if they were to remain too good for too long, they might have to do something about the bad countries and the people who want to leave them.

A moving people expert said: “When there are too many people who want to move from bad countries to good countries, it creates big problems for good countries.

“It is a very stressful and upsetting situation for the good countries to deal with, when people from bad countries are dying in their attempts to move from one country to another.

“The only sensible and effective solution is to make good countries bad, so people from bad countries will be deterred from wanting to live in good countries.

“Then we can all live happily in a world of equal badness.”

Good country leaders have acted fast and many bad-making plans are already well underway.

One good country leader explained: “We need to create more crappy jobs, reduce average pay, cut healthcare provision, ignore housing problems, increase the cost of public transport, force young people into slavery, and punch the homeless, the disabled, the elderly and the sick right in their faces.

“Only then will we stand a chance of making this country as bad as the countries that people are moving here from, and give them no other choice than to stay living exactly where they are right now.

“I’d rather make this country terrifically bad than face the dark and scary consequences of what might happen when a few too many people from existing bad countries come over to live here.

“So I want everyone to know that this country is removing the human rights of its people. You heard me. No more rights for you, humans.

“Still want to live here? Do you? Are you sure?

“Release the hounds.”